I've never been one to make New Year's resolutions.
It has never spoke to me and I always just thought something was wrong with me when a New Year didn't evoke in me the same motivations or desires I saw in those around me.
And just about anytime the phrase "wrong with me" comes to me as a thought, it's associated with my trauma.
And if this phrase comes up for you too, I'd like to offer to you what I tell myself...(you can find a version that works for you).
I tell myself.....
That's not true. There is nothing wrong with me. I just view or do things differently and I LOVE that about me.
It took me a while to believe this. I couldn't believe it until I embodied each of those thoughts.
Each thought adding to the depth of the one before it and after it.
Two ways I embody new beliefs are by getting out in nature and by grieving.
Getting out in nature speaks to my whole body and soul the minute I take a breathe or take in the view.
Learning to grieve has been a process for me and so I'll speak more to that today.
Grieving is so important to embodying a new belief because part of grieving is...
- honoring (which includes, feeling sadness, anger, hurt, etc.) for why it was part of my survival to believe something was wrong with me
- getting curious about how that no longer serves me
- noticing parts of me that no longer actually believe that
- voicing and honoring what I actually believe, which is that nothing is wrong with me
- letting myself feel all the good emotions that come as I believe nothing is wrong with me.
- this helps me let go of the trauma belief and opens space for the embodied belief to take root
(If you want more info and a worksheet about Stages of Grief in Trauma go Here.)
I had an experience that recently helped me embody the thought that nothing is wrong with me if I don't really make New Year goals or want to celebrate the New Year differently.
This year, I joined with some friends to do a Burning of the Sorrows ritual created by Thomas McConkie.
Burning of the Sorrows is where you gather with Friends. Outside. Around a Fire. (Totally my thing here.)
There was meditation, reflective writing and a beautiful flame. (Again, all my things.)
We let anything from the past year come into our hearts, and then we let anything that was incomplete or unresolved burn (metaphorically, or actually burn the paper we wrote on if we chose - which I did).
This letting go/burning of the sorrows, makes space and a path for the new year to come.
This is the process of grief.
When we let ourselves acknowledge and see our grief.....
And actually feel the sorrow and the loss....
We open space for growth.
This is the type of New Years celebration and goal setting I can get on board with!
I spent time grieving and was also out in nature.
I gave myself another internal resource to embody and rewire that old trauma belief. I added this experience to the other embodiment experiences I have created for myself over the past couple years. Sot the internal resources are getting strong.
Just yesterday, someone was talking about their New Year goals.
My trauma belief came up and the feeling of shame that used to overwhelm me, as I thought something was wrong with me, was just a shadow.
It came up, but I don't believe it anymore.
Nothing is wrong with me.
Nothing is wrong with you.
- And I want to add......if you love to make goals each year and that is your jam, remember nothing is wrong with you. -
You are welcome here. There is space for all of it.
This is my experience with the New Year. What was your experience?
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