Not Every Tool Works Every Time

Series Continued...

In the work of healing trauma, I often invite others (and myself) to notice different things in our body.

To notice, means to pay attention. To turn inward.

I share something and offer a noticing practice by asking you to notice what is happening in your body....

Or notice what is not happening....

And notice what your mind or heart might be doing....

And notice your breath....

This is a short list of things we could notice.

And any of these might help you be more aware, or you might be thinking of something I didn't mention that you like to notice within yourself.

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And I love to ask my clients, "What is helpful to you about the invitation to notice things about yourself?"

I invite you to ask yourself that as well.

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For me, noticing helps me get back to the present. It helps me focus on my body in space right now. I become aware, conscious, of my breathing and safety, in my present moment.

Getting back into the present is helpful for me because when trauma comes up in my body, it can feel like it's happening all over again, or like it never stopped. If I don't get present and ground, trauma can make me feel like I'm not safe, like my body doesn't belong to me, and like I need to do or say things to prevent the trauma from happening again. Even if those things aren't true to who I am as a 46-year-old woman now.

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So then what happens when....

I feel triggered and I try to notice myself or what's happening around me, but I can't notice me because I feel disconnected or feel dissociated?

Or I can't notice and pay attention to me because trying to go into my body or think about noticing anything makes me feel worse and even more triggered?

Or I can't use the practice of noticing because there are too many people around and I have to act like everything's okay?

I want to offer that when we try to notice and we can't it's a clue that we are not feeling safe enough to come out of trauma.

So what do we do if we aren't feeling safe?

We seek to get ourselves to safe enough because then we can provide ourselves some distance from the trauma and be able to come out of it so that we no longer feel controlled by our trauma response.

And seeking to pay attention and notice my body sensations or lack thereof is too much in those moments. I need something that doesn't feel like too much so I can feel safe enough.

This process can look different for everyone, so here are some ideas. I invite you to try them and see which ones work for you.

• Acknowledge, I am not safe right now (this is powerful even if you can't get there in the moment & recognize it afterwards).
• Honor what you are currently doing, what you want to do, (or looking back, what you did)....

I want to hide right now. I think I am in freeze.

I want to yell and scream or I am yelling and screaming. I might be in fight.

I need to get out of here and get away from these people. I am in flee.

I am smiling and laughing and that isn't true to me right now.

• Take a deep breath
• Slow your movements down if you are going into fight or flee
• Speed you movements up if you are going into freeze or fawn
• Listen to a song
• Go outside or a different room
• Try a different tool

All of these and more, (plus any others that you might have thought of), offer a subtle shift.

And this is what we want, a way to move us toward safe enough...They offer a pause in the trauma response. We are not using them as a way to avoid, but as a way to shift what is happening.

And that can be enough in the moment, or enough after the fact, to get us out of the trauma response cycle.

And when it's not enough, I want to offer that sometimes we can't do this on our own. We need another trusted person helping us move to safe enough. So we could add to the list, Reach out for support.

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The power of moving toward safe enough is that we let our truth in that moment be true.

And we don't gaslight ourselves and analyze whether or not we "should" feel safe.

(That is top down/sideways work that needs our prefrontal cortex to be online. So we can explore that later, when we are feeling safe. Right now we need bottom up tools for our body.)

And once we are safe enough, we can go back to noticing, if that is what our body feels called to.

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And please, be kind with yourself. It takes times to learn how to get to safety. At first it seems to take forever. But as we judge our process less, and offer ourselves grace along the way, we can offer ourselves safe enough sooner and sooner.

Remember, ❤️

You Matter. Your Healing Matters. You Are Worth It!

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P.S. If you want help with a specific way to get to safe enough for you, I can teach you what that looks like for your body. I teach this in my 120 Day Basic Foundations program. I have spots open for April.