Not Every Tool Works Every Time

Series Continued...

This is the last week of this series.

Over the course of this last month we’ve talked about when different bottom up tools don’t work and what to do.

When....

​Meditation​

​Vagal Stimulation​

​Noticing Sensations​

Don't Work.

I also shared what to do when Trauma Education doesn’t work.

And today, I’d like to share what to do when the Sideways tool doesn’t work.

Sideways means the watcher. It’s how we view our trauma triggers in our body and all the narratives and feelings we have about them.

As a tool the sideways offers us space from our trauma so we can see if we are kind or not and possible ways to reframe this.

But…

What if you are triggered and since nothing is working, You can’t stop judging yourself. You know you should be kinder but you can’t right now.

Maybe sometimes you can be kind, but not this time…

And if it’s not judgment, maybe it’s dread, loathing, fear, helplessness, frustration….it’s what you feel because you continue to be triggered….

And you have all sorts of thoughts about yourself and the healing process when this happens.

Plus….All of that sideways is added to the trigger you are currently having….

It’s awful and it’s also a pretty common occurrence…(And I want to offer that if you are noticing that it’s a common occurrence….that is a sign that you are healing, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now).

And then when no tools are working…the added weight of these feelings seem to let the trauma completely take over.

Ok, so what do you do?

Many times, it’s powerful to lean in, ever so slightly, to the mean sideways by using some imagery.

In these moments, I invite myself and my clients to take a deep breath.

Inhale.

Exhale.

I like to imagine that there is a front door and a back door to my mind. Then I let the endless chatter and feelings from my judgmental, fearful, helpless, frustrated self, flow through.

Sometimes I’ll let it all flow through on my breath, on the wind, or a flow of water. It can flow as fast or as slow as my body, mind and heart need it too.

I notice if I want to rush it all out, if so, I try to slow it down. But sometimes it is super powerful to watch it rush out quickly and then feel the satisfaction of it gone quickly. And then maybe I do it again, more slowly.

And if there are feelings of dread or loathing (replace with what you are feeling) that comes with these unkind narratives, I notice where they are in my body. For me it’s a sinking feeling in my belly or chest.

Then I bring in imagery of doors to my body too.

A door to the front of my belly (or chest) and the back (or on either side). If I can, I sit with the loathing long enough to know that it’s a dark pit that could swallow me whole. (And if I can't sit with it that's ok too, it still works).

I then open the doors in my body and let water flow through or maybe even fill up the pit, so it can flow out. Or let my breath or the wind flow through, maybe they swirl around in the pit and then swirl out.

I invite you to give imagery a try.

Yours might look different than mine.

But imagery helps the harsh sideways to lesson it’s hold on us.

Now maybe we can get to kindness or maybe we feel less fused with the cruel sideways. Both are signs of healing. And that what you are doing is working

You got this!!!

Remember, ❤️

You Matter. Your Healing Matters. You Are Worth It!

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