I remember when I first started healing back in 2019.

I didn’t tell too many people, but the ones I did would often checkin and ask me how it was going….

I wanted to say...."All the things I’m doing are working and I can see a difference."

"I’m not getting triggered".

"When my kids yell or get stressed, I don’t get stressed or yell back, my complex trauma is all healed and I can calm down any activation in me. I hold space for them and it’s amazing."

"When my husband wants to be intimate, I’m no longer triggered by my sexual trauma, it’s gone and actually, I notice that I am often feeling arousal before he even says anything."

"When I think of seeing or talking to certain family members, instead of the dread and worry about “what if I betray myself again and go into people pleasing or over-explaining or fast, irate talking to get my point across….instead I feel love for me and them."

I wanted that so badly and yet it just wasn’t true. It would have been a big fat lie.

I wanted it all - some future healing - to happen so quickly.

And if I can bring in my Sideways tool here (the tool of noticing how I view myself), I can give my scared 40 yr old a ton of grace.

Her Sideways was that she wasn’t where she wanted to be and she was yet again doing it all wrong.

She wanted to hurry and feel better.

I had suppressed my trauma and been in “control” for so long that it terrified me to have it all flood out and have zero control.

So of course, I wanted to get to the other side of ‘this’ - whatever the other side was as quickly as possible.

And when I would be real and open up about how hard healing was, I’d often get the reply “time will heal”…as if that was supposed to make it feel better. Thinking I had to feel this way and just wait and let time do its thing sounded (and still does sound) awful.

I already didn’t have control over how my body was responding on the inside and sometimes that would show up in my behavior and in what I would say and I’d think.....

"Where did that come from? Why did I do or say that?"

So, the idea of turning all that over to time and just waiting sounded unbearable. (And I might add, is not actually how healing works).

I have learned that time doesn’t heal but that I heal over time.

The “I heal” is key. I listen to my body. I learn it’s language. I let my body, heart and mind learn to speak to one another. I listen to their wisdom and the wisdom that comes from without that feels true and helpful.

And I choose how I let people support me in this learning.

I give myself choices…..so many….

Whereas, just waiting for time to do it’s thing, actually limits my choices because I’m stuck doing the same things instead of learning what my body - through my trauma response(s) - is telling me.

And the “over time” is key too because I have choice for what it looks like for me to slow down and I listen to what my body says that looks like.

And it takes time to learn to slow things down.

But that is not the same thing as going unconscious and just letting time run my life.

How about for you?

What do you want to hurry along in your healing?

What are your choices?

Hit reply and let me know, I’d love to help support you.

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Remember, ❤️

You Matter. Your Healing Matters. You Are Worth It!

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P.S. My friend Jill Pack and I had a wonderful conversation on her podcast the other day.

I invite you to check it out. She coaches midlife women of faith create joyful relationship connections one adventure at a time.