I am a Trauma Informed Embodiment Coach. Healing is possible for women who have trauma. Big T, Little T, Complex, Sexual, Religious, any form of trauma. Check out my content and ways we can work together.
When Shame and Blame Connect
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I’m reminded today of the shame/blame cycle and how I first learned this cycle from a coach of mine, Jody Moore. The concept is.... When we feel shame and it feels too scary to feel or we don't want to feel it, we often help ourselves no longer feel shame by blaming something external. Something outside of us that we have no control over. A person, place, situation.....anything that is not us. This way blame helps us avoid feeling our shame. And when we are feeling shame we so desperately want to feel better, but the fascinating thing is that we can't feel better this way because we are looking outside of ourselves. We don't feel shame, which was what we wanted.... We do feel blame.... But blame might feel a little better than shame in the moment..... Until it doesn't, because eventually, consciously or unconsciously, we realize we can’t control the external and then the shame comes back and resides within us again. When the shame comes back to us it can be not helpful and also helpful. not helpful Because it can perpetuate a shame/blame cycle. If, when the shame comes back and we want to immediately get rid of it than we will ping pong ourselves right back to blame and the cycle will continue. helpful Because it means when it comes back to shame and back into our court and our focus in on us again... If we are able to have awareness and be conscious of the cycle, we can start to change things. FEEL.....PROCESS. Our body knows exactly what to do with shame. Trusting our bodies gets us out of the shame /blame cycle. And What if We Can't Trust our Bodies? What if shame feels much worse than "Just a Feeling"? What if shame is too scary to feel? Too scary to process? What if shame takes over and we don't like how we show up? What if we are too afraid of how we will act and show up, so we never focus on our shame? What is being aware or conscious of our shame actually feels like the worst news ever? When this is the case and we feel stuck.... When we aren't able to be aware or conscious but go right back into the cycle.... It's Probably Because Of Trauma And I invite you to consider that in these moments... Our Trauma is Probably Trying To Tell Us Something Important Now this doesn't mean we let the cycle keep happening. It means we need more tools than mindset tools. Using our mind for awareness and seeing how the shame/blame cycle plays out in our life is powerful. And, what I think is also the best news ever..... We take that Top Down (mindset) Information and then find ways to safely get into our body through Bottom Up approaches. Bottom Up Gives Our Body
When these are a foundation, we can learn the language of our body. We can gain strength from feeling present in our here and now through grounding, instead of reliving the trauma fight, flee, freeze or fawn from the past. It can feel safe within our body, heart and mind to learn why shame is so scary. And in that learning we can gain understanding of our survival states. This can open up space for grace, compassion and love for why the fear of shame is inside us. We use movement (small or big) to get our trauma mobile and moving so we can reprocess the past trauma and then it can process through our body and out of our body now in our present state. These experiences give us resources that build trust within our body, mind and heart as we heal. This is powerful stuff. And it works. This is how we stop cycles, like the shame/blame cycle that seem to be stuck on repeat in our lives. Ones where we can't just change our thoughts and mindset around. Ones that are actually stuck in our bodies due to trauma. We go into our bodies, safely and gently and only a little bit at a time. You can do this and if you need help, because often we need support as we heal, reach out and let's have a chat. I'd love to help.
Remember, ❤️ You Matter. Your Healing Matters. You Are Worth It! P.S. I did my free challenge at the first of the month and now I am opening up my Monthly Get Into Your Body Class. It's $19 and you will have access to an hour long practice (plus 30 min Q&A at the end, if you choose - so reserve 1 hr or 1.5 hrs - You choose). You will learn and use Bottom Up Tools as you follow along. The sales page is almost live, and you can join the waitlist HERE. |
Hi! I'm Cami
I am a Trauma Informed Embodiment Coach. Healing is possible for women who have trauma. Big T, Little T, Complex, Sexual, Religious, any form of trauma. Check out my content and ways we can work together.
Not Every Tool Works Every Time Series Continued... This is the last week of this series. Over the course of this last month we’ve talked about when different bottom up tools don’t work and what to do. When.... Meditation Vagal Stimulation Noticing Sensations Don't Work. I also shared what to do when Trauma Education doesn’t work. And today, I’d like to share what to do when the Sideways tool doesn’t work. Sideways means the watcher. It’s how we view our trauma triggers in our body and all...
Not Every Tool Works Every Time Series Continued... Learning about trauma can be really helpful. In fact, trauma education is on my list of Top Down tools because it can explain why we act certain ways. When trauma takes over, we can understand that we are not crazy, we’re just reacting to what happened to us. And, even if other people don’t get it, learning about trauma can be a way to help them understand us better. But it’s important to remember, we’re not learning about trauma to convince...
Not Every Tool Works Every Time Series Continued... In the work of healing trauma, I often invite others (and myself) to notice different things in our body. To notice, means to pay attention. To turn inward. I share something and offer a noticing practice by asking you to notice what is happening in your body.... Or notice what is not happening.... And notice what your mind or heart might be doing.... And notice your breath.... This is a short list of things we could notice. And any of these...